Letting Go of Being Righteous: How Cultivating Curiosity Can Improve Your Relationships

Stop judging; start wondering

Judith Victoria
7 min readMar 31


Photo by JOSHUA COLEMAN on Unsplash

We’re a silly little bunch, us humans. Without asking, we get pushed into this world. Around 4–5 years old, we start to become self-aware, and then it starts—the continuous questioning.

Who am I?
What do I want?
Why are things so hard?
How can I make things easier?
What do I need to do to get more of this?
What do I need to do to get less of that?
What do I want to be when I grow up?
How can I know if they like me back?
What is good?
What is bad?
What is it all for?
How the fuck am I supposed to “earn” enough money to stay alive in this economy?

And so we all struggle through the same phases, albeit with a million different outcomes. But we all have one thing in common; no one knows what the fuck they’re doing. (Not even the cocky ones who claim they do. Take away their privileges and see how well they function then.)

We’ve been given this life, this one life, with zero instructions and countless possibilities.

It seems like you can’t really go wrong that way. I mean, if there is no rulebook, anything goes, right?

Unfortunately, there is this thing called society, and as we grow up and wear our superhero capes to school and make funny noises, we quickly learn there is indeed a rulebook. But no one knows where it is and what it exactly says. However, when you inadvertently break a rule, someone always points it out.

You can’t do that.
You can’t say that.
Be quiet.
Sit still.
Don’t say weird things.
Do as you’re told.

And yes, even the rebels, sooner or later, internalize the rule book. And by the time we’re adults, most of our time is filled with doing things we are supposed to do.



Judith Victoria

Essays on life, love, and other lousy stuff. Otherworldly flash fiction & romantic short stories. Failing forward. Perpetually amazed.